Closure is a Funny Thing

Hello Lovelies.

Today is a bit of a different post than I've made before and I know that it's on the "wrong day". However, it's something that I need to talk about right at this second and I figure it wouldn't be a bad idea to talk about it on here.

For those that have known me for years, you know about Josh. If you haven't known me for years, he is my ex. Our relationship was a bit intense and it lasted from when I was just 15 to nearly 17. So, basically a year and a half. There was a lot of drama during the relationship and neither party was perfect. What I do have to say was the worst part of the whole thing, the part that set the tone for how I've seen that relationship when I look back at it and how I have treated relationships for the last 4 1/2 years, was the break up.

This was a particularly difficult and down right horrible time in my life. When we broke up, he got obsessive and aggressive as well as possessive and just plain mean. I got scared. Really scared. It traumatized me. It traumatized me so badly that even when I moved half-way across the country, whenever I saw a car that looked like his, I started to panic. Even the IDEA of seeing his family makes me ill from anxiety. That is, until just now.

I got tired of being anxious to go to my new job in a place in town because of the very thought of seeing him there, so I took initiative. See, I never got closure to the relationship because it was super high emotions from his harassment and verbal abuse, then I cut him off, then nothing else from him. It was one day craziness then the next nothing. I haven't even seen him since then.

But today, I messaged him. I finally got the balls to basically say "Hey, I am back in town and I'm tired of being so fucking scared of seeing you. If you're going to be in the store where I work, let me know because I can't handle seeing you without warning." then we talked and he apologized. Multiple times. He acknowledged everything and was respectful and remorseful. I can't tell you guys just how much that means to me. I feel like 4 1/2 years of anxiety and weight has been lifted.

I am finally free. I finally have closure. I finally have what I need to let go of the situation.

I have closure.

XOXO - Sarah